Sweet Dreams, Bastard
by Wicked Ms.Clown
Summary: Completely AU. Draco Malfoy, bachelor? No, not really. He already had someone but that's not enough to stop him from bringing others to bed. Until that is, there was someone he couldn't. And that someone was in the internet.


**Disclaimer:** No I do _not_ own Draco Malfoy's eyes, lips, and blonde hair, nor do I own his absolute brutality and egoistic, magnetic boy charms. That shatters my heart... It is _all_ owned by J.K. Rowling... Blast her - Lucky genius...

**Title: **Sweet Dreams, Bastard

**Bottom Line: **Completely AU. Draco Malfoy, bachelor? No, not really. He already had someone but that's not enough to stop him from bringing others to bed. Until that is, there was someone he couldn't. And that someone was in the internet.

**Author's Notes:** This has nothing to do with magic or any of that crap. Hehe, just kidding. But really this has nothing to do with muggles, witches and wizards or magic for that fact. This fic is most probably the closest you could get to something real. Have a nice time here.

**Chapter 1: **So... I'm Getting Married?

**As Told By Draco**

See that guy running towards that building, most probably late for work? Yeah?

Well, that's not me. Now, see that guy coming out of a limo with pride, most probably the boss?

That's still not me. Ah! Can you see that blood red sports Lexus coming? That's my car. And that guy with sunglasses and gelled back blonde hair? Yup, that's me. Through all of that suavity... I was late.

Not for work. God no! ...For school!

I was in college at that time. A senior. My father had just bought me a new car and I was ready to show it off to my... lowly school mates. The ones that couldn't even afford to buy new clothes. Or to go to a proper barbershop to have good haircut. Like those... _Weasleys. _Of course a lot has changed since those days. But it wouldn't hurt to start from the beginning and make my way to the end. Now would it?

Alrightie... so there I was slowing down once I had entered the school primacies. I had put placed my left hand clutched the hand brakes and my right was on the wheel with my right elbow on the door. I lowered my sunglasses to have a better look at the glowing redness of those who were angered with jealousy. I smiled triumphantly as I saw men's women looking at me, giving flirtatious looks and waving. And the men themselves giving me evil looks, showing me their fists. I was not bothered by this.

I parked my car near a tree to give it shade, pulled the brakes, took out the keys and jumped over the door. I then took out my navy blue school bag from the back seat and flung it over one shoulder. I threw my keys in the air, caught them and placed them inside my pocket not bothering to take my hand out. It was a Monday. I had come back from my weekend of visiting my parents. I just did it out of charity, considering the fact that they were and still are... my mommy and daddy dearest. I shuttered at the thought.

Almost everyone (those that I knew and did not) greeted me, welcoming me back, eager to wait for the next party... wait, I never invited Lucy to my party. How'd she know what was my party like? Whatever the reason was I let it go. I was in a good mood today. But then I saw them...

I walked towards them dignified "Well if it isn't Pothead, Granger and The Weasleys. Wow. I make you sound like rock stars. Or maybe country singers who roll themselves in hay?"

Fred and George, in the last years, turned to look at me with anger in their eyes, the color matching their hair. Granger said nothing but gave me the you-do-not-exist-go-away look. Then Pothead spoke "Go away Malfoy."

"Why? Really now pothead you could be mistaken for a loo if you don't color you're head like shit to make you look like what you are... a potter." I laughed at this remark of mine.

"Shut up Malfoy." Ginny Weasley, a freshman, said.

"Oh look Potter! You got yourself a girlfriend! And a little freshman virgin at that! I applaud you!" naturally, I applauded. Laughing an evil laugh at the same time. Of course my fun ended.

"Draco! Oh Draco _darling_!" oh no... my ever so loving girlfriend Pansy was running towards me pushing past students and the Potter gang. She finally looked up at me with both delight and mock. She clung to my arm and placed her head on my shoulder "Oh _Draco_, we have _so_ much to talk about! Excuse me, but we have no time to chit chat with... _you_ sort." she pushed Ginny to the side and pulled me with her.

Once we were under her 'favorite spot' under an apple tree she started to kiss me I could feel her tongue slowly making way towards my mouth. Then in an instant of that it was over. She wiped her lips with a handkerchief and then looked serious. "Listen here, Draco. I know that you've been sleeping with those little tramps. And frankly I don't give a damn!" I mumbled a bless you at her "Don't you dare mock _me, _Malfoy!"

"Oh not at all, ma'am." I said in disgust

"How long have we been... _together?_ Two... Three years?" that long? God... with all the fun I've been having behind her back. I didn't know. "I've been hurt by what you've been doing..."

"I thought you didn't care?"

"Well, I don't. I used to be. But do you know why I haven't left you? To be honest. You're the best in bed." hah! Strike one sista! ...did I just say that? Too much Will and Grace. "And yet... maybe it's also because you're father would get _very_ angry at you for us breaking up. I mean, my fortune plus your fortune is a _lot_ of money. So... Draco. If we do break up so will everything else _you_ ever had."

"Excuse me?" I didn't quite get what she was saying...

"My father. Has had an agreement with your father. That once school is over, we get married!" she said it with twinkles in her eyes... married?

"Married?! MARRIED?! Why would I want to get married with _you?_" I said my voice a very loud whisper as not to attract attention

"If we put your family's fortune and mine, that will be a lot of money to support the project's of your father. And why use the money illegally if it can be legalized?"

My brain had blocked every other incoming message after that.

The last words I heard before retreating into the sanctuary of my Pansy-free classroom was 'wedding plans'.

-

Once I was up in my dormitory room I opened my computer then proceeded to open my friendster. I found many people had wanted to add me as their friends since I had put on the 'Who I Want To Meet' section 'Just add me. Don't ask for permission.' and put my email address. I looked at my new "friends" testimonials and almost in every one I found someone named "Quinn Elzabette" a mock of the name Queen Elizabeth. I decided on looking at her profile.

Hated rap. Liked Jazz, Blues, Metal, Rock... evil fairies, boulder clouds... extreme sports? She was pretty cool. I looked at her pictures. Mostly contained of evil fairies. But there was one picture of her that was in nightshot. She had explained in her profile that she liked her picture taken in nightshot rather than in normality for it relinquished any physical flaws.

She was wearing a mocking smile in her picture and she wore a thin layer of eye liner under her eyes (something I had learned from Pansy whenever she started fixing her make up after a rather... rowdy night). Her eyes reflected a prankster's and her all in all facial expression was of "innocence". She was I had to say pretty but of no comparison to Angelina Jolie. I could trace a bit of pimples, like most normal girls. But not much. Very few.

I went back to her profile. She had put in the who I want to meet section: 'Elo! Wanna add me? Don't ask just add :)' followed by her email add and her yahoo i.d... what could be the harm in adding her? I opened my yahoo messenger... add... jokermymeclown.

Then in an instant something flashed below. 'jokermymeclown is now online'

Oh holy shit... eh... and then a chat window opened

****

**jokermymeclown:** Ey person :D ...who are you?

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**Author's Notes: **Like it, hate it? Please inform me. So I would know if this is just a waste of completely good site space... Questions will be answered, reviews thanked, flames laughed at. I very rarely write long chapters... I wonder how this got so... long.

P.S.  
I couldn't think of anything for the yahoo i.d so I put mine. Add me if you wanna :P doesn't matter who you are really.


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